Puerca Blanca


  1. 1 MoatCon 4 (December 11-13, 2015)
  2. 2 Dragon*Con 2015 (September 3-7, 2015)
  3. 3 Cheese Wedge X (September 13, 2014)
  4. 4 Paul shows the gazebo room.Paul: Everyone's favorite!Groans from everyone. Stan: Actually, I'm just going to keep pounding away at the gazebo.Michael: The Gazebo doesn't have ears!Maya: Then why'd you talk to it?!Maya: (for her round of prep) Magical pretty girl transformation mage armor!Abigail: (People are discussing how various Planeteers would react to Maya lying to them.) WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!Paul: Do you rage?Abi: I don't think so.Paul: That doesn't sound like the Lady Barbarian I know.Abi: I'm trying to be smart.Maya: Bulbasaur, you dingus!Paul: How are you feeling?Stan: Well, I'm dominated, so...Paul: Will, was it Callonesque who died?Will: Yeah, what else does he do well?Dragon*Con 2014 (August 28 - September 1, 2014)
  5. 5 Cheese Wedge IX (June 21, 2014)
  6. 6 Cheese Wedge VIII (April 19, 2014)
  7. 7 Firefly Fridays (March 9, 2014)
  8. 8 Cheese Wedge Special: Scarab 2014 (January 18-19, 2014)
  9. 9 Cheese Wedge VII (September 14, 2013)
  10. 10 Dragon*Con 2013 (August 29 - September 2, 2013)
  11. 11 Cheese Wedge VI (June 15, 2013)
  12. 12 ConCarolinas 2013 (May 31 - June 2, 2013)
  13. 13 Cheese Wedge V (May 18, 2013)
  14. 14 Firefly Fridays (May 11, 2013)
  15. 15 Firefly Fridays (April 5, 2013)
  16. 16 Firefly Fridays (February 22, 2013)
  17. 17 Cheese Wedge IV (February 16, 2013)
  18. 18 Firefly Fridays (February 1, 2013)
  19. 19 Firefly Fridays (January 26, 2013)
  20. 20 SCARAB 2013 (January 18-20, 2013)
  21. 21 Firefly Fridays (January 11, 2013)
  22. 22 Firefly Fridays (December 22, 2012)
  23. 23 Firefly Fridays (old)
A transplant from a humid and far-flung southern land, Puerca Blanca is a quiet pig. She prefers to sit demurely, allowing others to speak, waiting her turn. She is conversant... in technology. (Also, Spanish.) Always polite, always just so. Is she a mute? SHE IS A LADY.

Puerca herself
Puertraiture, by A. Burras

Our Lady In White enjoys wordplay, space, and delicious index cards. What we say, she remembers. Behold.

Cheese Wedge XIV (September 17, 2016)

Cheese Wedge XIII (June 18, 2016)

Cheese Wedge XII (September 12, 2015)
Maya: Can I be Nikki Minaj? I mean, theoretically, could that work?

Kevin: I wish we were all in the next room.
Everyone: NOOO!

Paul: He's a cubic wolf.

Paul: What do you do for your round of prep?
Brooklyn: Can I get married?

Maya: You always say hypothetically before you DON'T DO SOMETHING!

Blake: The golem has already threatened us with threatening gazes.

Paul: Does a steak avoid a grill? Not in my experience.

Blake: (playing a cleric) You mean I can burst heal?

Abigail: I love being a child. <3

Paul: What's the spell you cast every time?
Maya: Uh... Speed running! Long fast!
Paul: Longstrider.
Maya: fevered nodding

MoatCon 4 (December 11-13, 2015)

  • Tell me the story of this dice pool.
  • Are you human, or French?
  • There's no removin' love, cousin.
  • I ferociously dismiss his heroism.
  • (punctuated with punches) RE. PAINT. THIS. ROOM.
  • Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Righty tighty, lefty loosey... oh.

Dragon*Con 2015 (September 3-7, 2015)

  • Wow, that is impressive. Chicken capitol of the world.
  • It's not of an impolite width.
  • I'm tired of his cursive.
  • "We're gonna argue a matter of theology." "Dragon*Con!"
  • Is a uter-US, not a uter-me.
  • I would be happy to clean chamber pots any time!
  • 300 gold? That's great! It reminds me of a time... Yes, I remember it well. Anyway... yes.
  • Get your muddy boots out of my O.R..
  • Is there a Werewolf game in there? Is there a secret Werewolf game in there?
  • "Did you go down a fire pole?" "No, I went down the stairs, but they don't go down, they go sideways." "... did you go up a fire pole?"
  • Windows are see-through before you break them.
  • I don't mind shimmyin'!

Cheese Wedge X (September 13, 2014)

Paul shows the gazebo room.
Paul: Everyone's favorite!
Groans from everyone.
Stan: Actually, I'm just going to keep pounding away at the gazebo.

Michael: The Gazebo doesn't have ears!
Maya: Then why'd you talk to it?!

Maya: (for her round of prep) Magical pretty girl transformation mage armor!

Abigail: (People are discussing how various Planeteers would react to Maya lying to them.) WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!

Paul: Do you rage?
Abi: I don't think so.
Paul: That doesn't sound like the Lady Barbarian I know.
Abi: I'm trying to be smart.

Maya: Bulbasaur, you dingus!

Paul: How are you feeling?
Stan: Well, I'm dominated, so...

Paul: Will, was it Callonesque who died?
Will: Yeah, what else does he do well?
Dragon*Con 2014 (August 28 - September 1, 2014)

  • Continuity is power.
  • As an elderly man, I am quite old, and I am aware of that.
  • Someone has inserted themselves into my yurt.
  • Actually, I have been punked!
  • "Goat bird?" That's another holiday.
  • Is that Penguintron you just rode in on?
  • Yeah! I like my ladies blind!
  • "The village discovers gossip." "Nah, dude, I already live here."
  • I ask if it is acceptable to tickle her chin with my beard.
  • I shall briefly endure the idea of hag love.
  • He knows better than to go hitting on random princesses.
  • You can't fight in a skirt. You've gotta fight in underwear.
  • The Marriott lobby on Sunday night is slash fiction. The rest of "this hotel is science fiction." Ray Bradbury.

Cheese Wedge IX (June 21, 2014)

Pete: Wetting myself sounds real good right now.
Max: There's no way I can unpiss him off. Wait, do I have Diplomacy? checks sheet Yeah, there's no way I'm unpissing him off.
Liz: Aw, man, I gotta behead this guy.
Paul: You feel safe. It's a bad feeling, but you feel it.
Jason: I cheese point with him.
Stan: But I just got this +5 dagger!
Erik: I should have spent more time drinking potions.
Abigail: I'm going to take my sword and kill him by trying.
Abigail: Daddy! It's your friend the skeleton! It's your friend the skeleton!!!
Jason: He was a skeleton with a knife until he took a sack to the face.
Max: I go up to the dragon and say, "Hey, what's up, bro?" But I don't really say that.
Jason: I use my move action to pull out my ointment of fly. I use my standard to slather myself in sweet, sweet fly.
Stan: I'll delay until he tugs as well.
Abigail: Eat death, zombie!
Abigail: Zombies, eat my brains! It's worse than nothing!

Cheese Wedge VIII (April 19, 2014)

Paul's Dad (off being invited to come play): No, that's okay. Y'all been doing this so long, I don't want to come along and beat you. I don't know much about those 18-sided dice.

Abigail: Yeah! Another barbarian! You should rage a lot. It's so useful.

Dani: Oh, no. The entire room is made of spears.

Jonathan: Are all the dwarves large now? Spectacular!


Will: I delay for the sorcerer to make a Knowledge roll
Eric: I have no knowledge. All I know is fire.

Doug: That must be the first time I've seen a crowbar related death.

Stephan: I reroll with my shirt.
Paul is bewildered. Stephan points to his shirt.
Paul: That's a Pathfinder Society shirt.
Stephan: It's worth a reroll.

Firefly Fridays (March 9, 2014)

  • Why does it make you so happy that I have an inept tongue?
  • There are many activities that are better done when the body is limp and docile.
  • "Toothpaste? What happens when you have no teeth, sir?" "There are other bones."
  • We then search for lovers in the forest.
  • I actually invented the moon.
  • My daughter is very manly. And you are very feminine. Like my daughter!
  • I think that I found out that you are me.
  • Corn is money, and it's also corn.
  • "So, how do you feel about the world ending tomorrow?" "Suck."

Cheese Wedge Special: Scarab 2014 (January 18-19, 2014)

Jonathan: I hit on the salamander. What's her Charisma score?
Paul: 18.
Jonathan: Uh, yeah! Wait, uh, wait... no.

Paul: You know you're walking amid burning gnomes corpses.
Michael (as a paladin): That doesn't really bother me

Abigail: Tell them that I am bigger than them and if they keep doing that, I will punch them in the face!

Jonathan: I look up at where Salazar's watching us. I wink at him... and now we begin.

Paul (as leprechaun): Can I offer you all a wish?
Abigail: NOOO!!

Bill: That doesn't hit. I missed a building. Okay.

Jonathan: If you delay a round, it will really make my illusion pop.

Abigail: I turn into rage.

Paul D.: I'm fondling my dice; do you mind?
Paul: I... I don't.

Bill: Gnomesy can only be hit by buildings and the Hulk.

Cheese Wedge VII (September 14, 2013)

Paul: Do you inspire the skeleton?
Amanda: Sure...?

JonathanWith how high they are, I might have to role Knowledge (planes).

ErickThe fort was awesome. It cured my blindness

DouglasCan I use my Diplomacy to convince Death to give me two cards for free?
Paul: Yes, you can!

ErickI pull out my axe and try to develop laser vision. I got an 8.

LonI can't go forward with levitate?
Paul: No, that's called fly.
Lon: I can't... lean forward and catch a breeze?

ErickI'm going to caress the door inappropriately.

Jason: What does the fox say?
JasonI'm pretty sure that's what the Tobes says when there's a TPK.

Erick: That brings up several questions, like, 'What is America?,' and 'What is the republican party?'
Jonathan: The xills know. That's all that matters.

Dragon*Con 2013 (August 29 - September 2, 2013)

  • I need help with a bad name. 'Mantooth?' No, Mantooth is a cool name.
  • You know that power of being the only one in a hallway? Yeah – I wanna feel that.
  • The ducks... need us?
  • As a friend of beards, I hope your beards are long and prosperous.
  • That is not a bike. That is adorable.
  • He wanders drunkenly up and insults the walruses.
  • Yesterday, I got out of bed just to hate that kid. Today, I'm gonna love him just as hard.
  • "No biting." "No promises."
  • We're a little hexed around the edges, but... meh!

Cheese Wedge VI (June 15, 2013)

Dave: Will it give me partial cover? 
Paul: HAA HA HA... no.

Jason (serious as the grave): If you cheese point with me, I will turn around on my next turn and kill you.

Will: Big Mo! It's showtime! Oh... no... I'm inside him. I don't like this at all.

Jason: I pick up the large pie, and I take a big 'ole bite. I go into a rage. "I HATE POISENBERRY!"

Stephen: What do I need? A 30? I made it. Whatever.

Jason: Sorry about your pie. I wish to buy it.

Paul: He's immune to fireball and nothing else. He treats crossbow bolts as little fireballs.

ConCarolinas 2013 (May 31 - June 2, 2013)

  • Some kind of... polter-ization.
  • The most ominous punctuation.
  • Babies have needs.
  • That's the most beautiful instance of child abuse I've ever heard.
  • Bear-oin.
  • Seven bears? But my revolver only has six bullets!
  • I need to un-bubblegum my wife.

Cheese Wedge V (May 18, 2013)

Andy: I'm going to Cheese point
Paul: With whom?
Max (with exasperation): Guess!

Max: He said to look within ourselves. I rip into Andy's chest.
Andy resignedly holds up a Cheese Point.

Andy: I didn't think I was going to poop my pants, but I did! We were all surprised.

Firefly Fridays (May 11, 2013)

  • That sounds like a thing I'm not.
  • You can boop me anywhere but, so help me, if you boop my feet you will be counter-booped.
  • She's in China doing Asian things... like math!

Firefly Fridays (April 5, 2013)

  • The show where they go to space... and get lost... Lost in Space!
  • "It's Jason; he'll like it." <later> Jason: "I like it."
  • "I'm choking on my water." "That's called drowning."

Firefly Fridays (February 22, 2013)

  • "Let's Google what's wrong with you." "... it's a gunshot wound."
  • "Was it the water or the stabbing that killed it?" "It was probably a combination of both."

Cheese Wedge IV (February 16, 2013)

Jonathan: Click on the beach ball!
Katie: How do I click?!

Paul: It makes a plant noise.
Maya: "Photosyyyynthesiiize."
Jared: Whoa, how did it heal itself?
Maya: Photosynthesis!

Firefly Fridays (February 1, 2013)

  • Wait, wait... it's a robot spider in a rat costume?
  • Okay, so you've hacked the horse.
  • Nothing concerning your loins should go into Puerca.
  • That's fine. Tonight, I'm a hooker.
  • Stop saying you lost the game when you lose the game! Nobody cares!
  • "Why is Haley like a bunny?" "She eats her own poop?" "... I would have gone with 'she is cute.'"

Firefly Fridays (January 26, 2013)

  • "I need a big cigar-type thing." "Like a penis?"
  • The group I used to play with, we had a thing about elephants. Oh, wait, I mean woolly mammoths.
  • Your diligence is noted. Please stop.
  • There's beard hair all over the highway.
  • A buxom redhead, played by Batman, played by Christian Bale.
  • I want to be the bartender who watches people get murdered and then lies about it.
  • Let me feed this back to you: are my chocolate Krispy Kreme dice filled with cocaine?

SCARAB 2013 (January 18-20, 2013)

  • Who'd have thought that Vienna sausages were worth a d8.
  • I only snort steak.
  • "What's the duckie for?" "For bathing."
  • He has a sack-and-a-half.
  • I danced on this table. There is nothing wrong with this table!
  • "How do you fight the crowd of teenie-boppers?" "I am an excellent shot."
  • Is he legumosexual?
  • I like how "magnificent" means "pink."

Firefly Fridays (January 11, 2013)

  • "You can be Batman." "... I'm Batman."
  • You don't know what fun is until you've dated a medical oddity.
  • Welcome to the gun show. <kisses biceps> No background check!
  • I came very close to being a diamond smuggler in South Africa.
  • She likes a man who's confident in his femininity.
  • "What's his name? Space Whore?" "Space Boy." "Oh."
  • "This is the best character I've ever made." "That is like a whole essay about your life, Max."
  • This isn't porn; that's not going to work.
  • "You both look kinda familiar." "I just have one of those faces." "I don't." "I don't have a face."

Firefly Fridays (December 22, 2012)

  • What about the rich people who put themselves in those frozen chamber things?
  • "My name's Mitch." "You know, that's a very nice name... very manly." "We will deal with this when we get out of this haunted house!" "You bet we will, honey."
  • Most people hate the sound of Styrofoam. That's why the bargain sex toy industry failed.
  • It can't be racist – I drink it all the time! Why is purple drank racist?! Why is... oh.

Firefly Fridays (old)

  • "Wow, we have so many mesmers." "That's mesmerizing!" "That wasn't funny." "I'm not Tobes, okay?!"
  • "You know it's fake, right?" "No, it's not! It's psychology!"
  • "How do you break a crowbar?" "I'm psychotic."
  • Labradoodles aren't horrible. They just don't shed.
  • So these are Acererak's Jefferies tubes?
  • No amount of fooling around with that hand will reattach it, and I fooled around with it a lot.
  • Andy's laptop will be our maptop.
  • I'm still suspicious of this lick-it-and-stick-it business.
  • When I see part of the hospital collapse, it breaks me out of my witch hunt.
  • I'm at the fringes of my sanity. I don't even know what a ditch is.
  • "Are you conditioning me to laugh?" "No, I'm conditioning me to laugh."
  • My two medicines are vitamins and steak.
  • He's getting ready to start some serious homeowners association sh*t.
  • I notice that behind the stage there are enhancements like "boots" and "gloves."
  • I should have been Captain Jacques Swallow... never mind.